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When appliances go bad

Posted on: August 1, 2011

This morning I popped four slices of extra thick, cafe style raisin toast into the toaster. Just like any other morning. Well, except for the ‘raisin’ part, that was a bit special.

The toaster didn’t approve of my choice. It protested. The build up was gradual, but soon I couldn’t ignore the thin, smokey tendril it issued, nor the distinct, whiney buzz. I popped the toast and performed a brief maintenance check. Nothing untoward was apparent, so I pushed the toast back down. All seemed well. I set about preparing the other ‘elements’ of my tasty breakfast dish: butter, weet-bix, tea.

Approaching the toaster once more to check on its progress, I was startled by a sudden, loud sizzling, followed closely by orange sparks and a sharp ‘pop’. Then silence. Mildly shaken, I first unplugged the angry toaster. Then I rescued my raisin toast from the wreckage. Happily, it escaped unscathed from the toaster’s clutch. A little pale, and frayed around the edges, but essentially unharmed.

My thoughts then turned to dealing with the miscreant toaster. I felt slightly betrayed. The toaster came into our lives about 12 months ago, purchased for a good price from a budget store. Chosen for its modest appearance and ability to toast four slices simultaneously, it settled nicely into our humble home. Despite its ‘cheapness’, I always treated it with respect – cleaning it regularly and sometimes even emptying its undercarriage of stray crumbs. I believed it was happy. Clearly not. The toaster was not content to just fizzle out and die peacefully – its final act was to try to a) hurt me, and b) ruin my precious raisin toast.

There will be no burial. And our next toaster won’t be named after its predecessor.

Rest in peace in our garbage bin, toaster.

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