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Archive for the ‘Poo’ Category

Just discovered that the squashed sultana I have been merrily stepping over and ignoring all week, was not in fact a sultana.

It was a tiny poo.


So. It was the first trial game of the soccer season. Tiernan and Molly were both due to start their games at 9am. As usual, and much to Tom’s annoyance, we were pushing it to get there on time. Happily we made it, but little did I know the embarrassing events that were about to unfold.

8:55 We arrive at the field, disheveled, disorganised, disgruntled.

Tom and Tiernan head straight to Tiernan’s game. Since Tom’s the coach it’s a good idea for him to be there.

8:56 I line up with Molly and Neave to buy Molly some shorts and socks for the game. Since we require very tiny sizes, it takes a little while for the uniform guy to find what we need.

8:59 I start dressing Molly in her newly purchased gear. Halfway through, I notice a bad smell and ignore it. Not here. Not now. But then Neave sweetly informs me that she’s done a poo. In her undies.

9:01 With Molly kitted up at last, I pause to consider my options. I can either change Neave now as best I can (with no wipes or spare undies – they were forgotten at home), or I can quickly drop Molly off at her game before attempting the task. I go for option B, hoping to prevent Molly from missing too much of her first ever game.

9:02 We set off to find the Under 5 Alligators. This turns out to be not so easy. There are about five tiny fields set up all over the park, and with the sun beaming down at the exact wrong angle, it’s very difficult to distinguish one bunch of silhouettes from another. We end up weaving in and out of every tiny game before finding the right one.

9:06 The game has already started but we say a hasty hello to the team manager and get a shirt for Molly. Molly is a bit quiet but puts the shirt on. But then I try to put the orange bib on, and hit a wall. She won’t put it on. I explain that it’s so that she can tell who is on her team and who isn’t (they’re playing another team from the same club), but she is adamant. I try to convince her again, but it doesn’t work. In fact, it only gets worse. She starts crying and saying she doesn’t want to play soccer at all.

9:08 I give Molly a cuddle and say reassuring things, but as I do so, I notice Neave lifting her dress to reveal the poo, clearly discernible beneath her underpants. I ask her to just wait patiently another minute, and hope against hope none of the other parents have noticed. I don’t know any of them yet and don’t want to start like this.

9:09 After another minute of steady crying (by Molly) and increasingly desperate placating (by me), Molly is still showing no signs of being ready to play. Unsure what to do next, I glance again at Neave and see that she has now got poo on her hands, and all down her legs. Great.

9:10 I quickly inform Molly that I have to take Neave to the bathroom. She can stay or she can come, but we’re going now. Molly responds by crying even louder and starting to take off her shirt. I don’t have time to argue any further so walk away, one pooey child in tow, one screamy, half-naked child abandoned. A quick glance at the manager as I leave and I know she’ll watch Molly for me. Phew.

9:12 Neave and I make it to the toilet block, which features the lowest grade of toilet paper, that plasticky grease-proof paper stuff; the worst ever dispenser that makes you fight for every torn piece; and a large puddle taking up most of the standing room. It does not feature soap. The clean up is going to take a while.

9:13 I start cleaning.

9:14 Still cleaning. A family of three walk in and have to dance around us and the puddle to gain access to the only remaining toilet that isn’t being slowly filled with poo paper.

9:15 Still cleaning.

9:16 Still cleaning. I am beginning to wonder if Molly’s game will be over before we’re out.

9:17 Still cleaning.

9:18 Ok, done. Sort of. There is the question of what to do with Neave’s poo-coated undies. I decide to put them in a bag and throw them in the bin. We wash our hands as thoroughly as we’re able (no soap). As we leave the toilet block I tell Neave sternly not to touch her face or put anything in her mouth.

9:20 We arrive back at Molly’s game and it’s half time. Molly is back in her normal clothes and is sitting as far away as possible from her team mates. I take her back over and try one last time to convince her to play. No luck.

The Alligators go back on the field. Molly wants to go and play at the park. I tell her no, we’re going to stay and watch her team finish the game. Another tantrum ensues.

Throughout the rest of the game, other parents try to coax Molly onto the field. I am of two minds about this. I feel that pressuring her will only make it worse, and don’t want her to play unless she wants to. So for others to step in and add their two cents is a bit annoying, even though they mean well. At the same time, I’m already a bit flummoxed by the morning’s events, and am hyper aware of other parent’s judgement. I don’t want to worsen the fabulous first impression we’ve just made. Really, I just want to go home and start the day over.

9:35 The game ends. We make vague plans to return for training on Thursday (Yeah right I’m thinking to myself). We sulk away as quickly and quietly as we can.

I’m seriously considering stepping in as Tiernan’s coach and letting Tom deal with the girls.

As I mentioned recently, Neave is kinda sorta learning to use the toilet.

Some days she wears ‘unnies’, some days she wears nappies. We leave it entirely up to her.

Some days she actually goes to the toilet or potty, some days she doesn’t bother.

And on some, extra special days, when Neave realises that she needs to do a wee or poo, she removes her ‘unnies’, or her nappy. But, she doesn’t take herself to the toilet.

No, instead she takes herself to the toy room and does what she needs to do on the elephant. This is the elephant:

It is one of the many animals featured on our toy car mat thing.

Five times this has happened. It seems to be personal.

One time I caught Neave about to do the act and told her she needed to go to the toilet. She refused to go, so I brought the potty to her.

She placed it on top of the elephant and proceeded.

Poor elephant.

This morning I decided I would do something novel and actually hang the clothes up that had been washed yesterday afternoon, instead of letting them rot in the washing machine. It took me about five minutes.

I came inside, thinking I had got away with it.

Uh uh. Molly had done a poo on her floor (again).

And Neave was eating it.

Total freak out. My baby ate poo! I cleaned her up straight away, but can’t help feeling that she has been defiled. Especially when it comes time to breastfeed her!

And the very next time she turns her nose up at my cooking, I will be offended. Very offended. Because basically, she will be saying,

“I’ve eaten better shit than this, Mum.”

I had the rare opportunity to babysit two of our nephews today. Because their parents (my husband’s brother and his wife) live in Bathurst (about a two-hour drive west), we don’t see them often. It’s not really the distance as much as it is that, they, being as crazy as us, have also had three children in three years. As you can imagine, 6 < 4 y.o.(under one roof) = nuts! So we don’t do it much.

So, I was happy to offer my services today, as I don’t see H (3) and W (19 months) very often, and as a result, don’t feel that I have much of a relationship with them. I suppose being busy with babies all the time does that. I do hope to become closer with them now that my tiny baby days are over (!)

It was a busy day, but not completely manic as I had anticipated. But manic enough…

As usual, everyone was very excited to see each other and they got straight to the business of playing with Tiernan’s train set. I smugly thought to myself that perhaps this wasn’t going to be so bad after all, as I sat down to give Neave her morning breastfeed. However, the train set just wasn’t the right outlet for their exuberant spirits, so the business of running-from-one-end-of-the-house-to-the-other-whilst-pushing-every-single-toy-that-has-wheels closely ensued. Which was dropped again for the business of pulling-every-single-toy-out-of-its-place-in-the-toy-room-and-making-sure-parts-of-each-one-were-dropped-in-every-single-room-of-the-house. So, it took about ten minutes for our house to resemble a disaster zone. Fairly predictable.

It took about fifteen minutes for the first injury to occur. It was W falling off Tiernan’s bed, which resulted in a big bruise and a lump on his eyebrow (great, a black eye!) However, whilst administering first-aid, I realised that this was also fairly predictable, as W had only just recovered from another bed-related black eye (he fell off a hospital bed whilst meeting his new baby brother, C, for the first time). Still, didn’t I feel like babysitter of the year?

The Wiggles provided a nice distraction while I prepared some morning tea. It also provided a nice soundtrack to hastily re-assemble the house by. The kids helped by dumping everything into one box even while I was explaining that shoes and books didn’t really need to go in with the lego, thanks. Oh well.

Next was puzzles. By this stage, Neave was in bed (thanks, Neave), and I was optimistically hoping that she would remain there for the rest of the visit. So, my plan was to do some nice, quiet puzzles together at the other end of the house while she slept. However, my first mistake was to bring all of the puzzles out at once – what was I thinking??? Within minutes the floor was awash with itsy bitsy puzzle pieces, and there was no way we were going to be able to find enough pieces to even put one puzzle together. My second mistake was to overestimate W’s attention span – he’s not two yet, so he got bored with the puzzles rather quickly and started pulling books out of the bookcase, just to add that extra layer to the mess on the floor. So in the end, we sat (in amongst the puzzle pieces) and read book after book as it landed on us, until W ran out of books to toss. Whereupon clean-up #2 commenced.

In my wisdom, I decided that I would distract them with drawing next, while I prepared lunch. This works with Tiernan and Molly – I provide them with crayons, textas and paper, and off they go. What I hadn’t counted on was H and W’s preference for pulling their crayons and textas apart rather than drawing with them, so when I returned to the lounge room to announce that lunch was ready, I found a sea of headless drawing implements, scattered texta entrails, and four children rigorously engaged in a pen-fight. So now I had ink-stains to add to my list of explaining to do.

H wee-ed at the table during lunch. I hadn’t even sat down yet to start mine, but I took one quick bite before changing his clothes and mopping the floor. By this time, they had all finished eating so I put them back into the lounge room and finally resorted to a DVD to provide the entertainment while I recouped. Only, Molly chose this moment to make it known that she needed to poo. Molly is still in nappies, but we are encouraging her to start using the potty, mostly for poos, because she has a habit of taking her pooey nappies off and smearing the contents all over everything. I’ve written about it several times in the past, but eventually stopped bothering because it has become a daily occurrence (well not the smearing, but the nappy removal and associated mess). So, I have resorted to bribing her with prizes (from the ‘Nappy Fairy’) if she does a poo on the potty. And today, for the first time ever, she actually did! (Okay, she’s done half a poo on the potty before, after doing a bit in her nappy and then taking it off, but this was a WHOLE POO IN THE POTTY!) Hooray!!!

So, Molly was fussed over, and received her prize from the lucky-dip box (a ‘Dora the Explorer’ plastic bracelet that was broken ten minutes later when H tried to stuff it into the toy cash register… oh). The kids continued to watch the DVD while I sat down to my lunch… which was interrupted again when Neave woke up (Nooooooo!) After getting Neave up and making her lunch, we sat and ate together whilst watching the kids and observing something interesting – H and W had almost completely lost interest in the DVD and were busy playing again, while Tiernan and Molly sat like lumps, totally transfixed by a movie they’ve only seen eighteen times. They’re watchers! And H and W are non-watchers! I’m a terrible mother…

I felt a bit better when Molly also lost interest and decided to join H and W in their game of trains (it always comes back to trains, in the end). I noticed that W was beginning to show signs of tiredness, but thought it was probably too late to put him down for a sleep (I was expecting my brother and sister-in-law back within half an hour). Actually, it wasn’t long before everyone’s tempers were flaring – they had all reached their ‘sharing’ quota for the day, and angry outbursts were frequent. I began glancing out the window every few minutes, Surely they’ll be here soon? The remainder of the afternoon was spent adjudicating train-related disputes (derailment, theft, arguments between drivers, and a controversial decision to move the bridge).

I was quite relieved to hand these lovely boys back to their parents after our five hours together. It is so nice to see my children having fun with their cousins, but being the only adult around is rather exhausting. I enjoyed it, but wouldn’t want to do it again tomorrow!

There was more poo today.

Don’t take the blue tea cup if Molly offers it to you…

Don’t read this if you’re squeamish!

1. Tiernan’s undies when he pooed in them at a friend’s BBQ. These friends don’t have any children yet, and this may have put them off for a while longer.

2. The bathroom floor. You may have gathered that Tiernan is experiencing some toileting difficulties this week, despite being toilet trained for a little while now. We haven’t got to the bottom of it yet (pardon the pun). On this particular occasion, Tiernan made it to the bathroom, but the poo just ‘fell out’, as he put it, before he was able to climb onto the toilet. He then walked in it. Thanks Tiernan.

3. Tiernan’s shoes. Understandable if it’s dog poo and you’ve just stepped in it, but this was Tiernan poo and it was INSIDE the shoe. I have no idea how it got there. Maybe when it ‘fell out?’

4. The bathroom floor again. This time Tiernan did make it to the bathroom, but decided to use the potty rather than the toilet. He then, helpfully, decided to tip the poo into the toilet instead of calling me to help him. He missed.

5. Inside Tiernan’s table. Not Tiernan’s fault this time – Molly decided to join the poo party. Lately she has been taking her nappy off and refusing to put it back on. I don’t mind when I’m close by and watching her, but this time I was distracted with Neave. Molly went into Tiernan’s bedroom, climbed onto his table and pooed into the hole in the centre, which is for storing cars. Lucky the cars had all gone out for a drive.

I think it may be time to start toilet training Molly soon, although with the week I’ve had with Tiernan, I’m not keen!

Funny in hindsight, but not pleasant at the time! I hope next week is better…